Chapter 2 - North American men – they’re as good as it gets! (sample)
If you are a well traveled woman with extensive exposure and experience or if have lived under divergent political, linguistic, and cultural settings, you will readily agree with me that North American men are as good as they get. In my book “USA for Ladies- oh yes,“ which is available in Germany, I filled a whole chapter with enthusiastic praise for the men of this country. As an American woman, you might think otherwise, perhaps choosing to preoccupy yourself with picayune details, but you would be mistaken. Before moving to the United States, I first lived in a communist country and then later in a free, highly civilized, well-educated, and sophisticated Western European country. After taking a very close look at Arabic, Asian, and South American men, it has become absolutely clear to me: American women are blessed because they already have unlimited access to the best men in the world.
You really need to appreciate that.
Of course, everything is relative and even the best might not be good enough for you. But if you apply common sense, you can easily conclude that American men can’t be beat. When I talk to American women about this fact, they instantly beam with pride for their special achievements in what they refer to as “women’s liberation.” They deeply believe that the relatively high standard of equality in this country is entirely attributable to their persistent and militant efforts to create a better world for women.
Sorry, but that is not fully true....
Further in the chapter:
One of the answers may be found in the gender ratio disparity between America and Europe. Until the last fifty years, frequent wars in Europe diminished the number of men that were available to women. So, there were more women than men in Europe. Such circumstances allowed men to get away with lousy behavior, reckless decisions, and uncaring attitudes because there were always other women that didn’t mind as much. In North America, the entire history is different. Young single men were once bold enough to undertake the daunting and dangerous act of immigrating to America. Until recently, immigration statistics show that most single immigrants arriving in the United States were men.
As recently as one hundred years ago, whereas women received no respect in Europe, they were desperately sought after in America by the many single men, highly appreciated, and treated accordingly. Not only were they very hard to find, but women in North America had an incredible selection of men to chose from and could act as spoiled as they wanted to. There was always a man who was desperate enough not to complain about a woman’s behavior. Even prostitutes, considered outcasts in every other country of the world, could quit their jobs, move a hundred miles down stream, and show up as a “widow” when they became too old for the trade. Sure enough, shortly thereafter a man would appear who didn’t ask any questions and enjoyed her professional expertise about how to put a smile on his face. A woman fed up with her husband’s mistreatment could simply take a gun and create some sort of a “deadly accident” – inventing a new form of Wild West divorce. Who would ever find out? Men would quickly learn that it isn’t wise to mess with a woman who knows how to use a gun. She didn’t have to fear facing life without the protection and the support of a husband because there were plenty of interested men wherever she went.
Throughout the nineteenth century, pregnancy and childbirth killed large numbers of the few women available to men. Harsh circumstances of life alone created additional lost lives. Therefore, an American pioneer man lucky enough to end up with a woman had to treat her like a precious treasure to keep her (that is where the saying ”getting lucky” has its origin). The most important task was not to impress a woman to the point of getting her to agree to a marriage, but rather not to lose her to fate or to other men after the wedding. Is it any wonder that American men’s demeanor, contrary to men in other parts of the globe, grew to be extremely permissive, undemanding, generous, and lenient towards their wives and daughters? Just read how Lora Ingles-Wilder, author of “The Little House in the Prairie,” describes her father and husband in 1888! The presence of such strong, supportive men would have been like utopia in Europe even as late as 1950. The model for male behavior, which was established in the United States well over a hundred years ago, still deeply informs contemporary American men.
From my perspective, the women’s movement in the United States succeeded more quickly because men had learned to cooperate under the pressures of scarcity long before equality became an issue in other parts of the world.
But times have most certainly changed; women now outnumber men in the United States too. In Europe, almost everybody speaks English by the age of fourteen. European women have up to six weeks paid vacation and no language barrier if they want to look for greener pastures with American men. More and more women are showing up here to check out American men because they get tired of trying make it work with their own. According to new statistics, the gender gap in immigration has now almost entirely disappeared; nearly as many women immigrate today as men.
Men in this country are cornered and locked in by the circumstances of today’s singles’ world, so much so that they often feel it is impossible for them to take action to attract a woman. They feel cut off from possibilities to vent emotionally or sexually outside of personal relationships. If they try, they are either watched with suspicion or have to brake the law. In Europe, where, for example, prostitution is legal, life is much safer for the majority of women because men are sexually much more relaxed. Men (and even young boys) in the United States are battered with merciless sexual stimulation and at the same time forced into total isolation without any acceptable outlet for the building pressure. They certainly cannot attain the same level of public acceptance that is available to women if they have a reason to complain. “Be a man. Don’t complain. Take it in stride.” In fact, that is exactly what people told me in 1966 when I tried to complain about my husband’s abusive behavior.
It seems time for American woman to re-assess their role in this situation. I find it astonishing to see the great number of women who are willing to participate in the business of driving men sexually nuts, to abuse their tendency to react to visual impressions, and to prey on men’s loneliness. It is unbelievable to witness that women are the ones to teach girls the business of perfect deception of men. If men were that deceptive, then why in the world would these women want them? In too many cases, women are willing to teach the manipulation of the most primitive male needs in order to generate monetary profit. How in the world is that dynamic going to help the genders to connect in loving, caring, and respectful ways?
Perhaps it is worthwhile to revisit that the original goal of the women’s liberation movement was never to gain superiority, power, or control over the male population. All we wanted was more control over our own lives and the right to be who we were designed to be by nature, regardless of our gender. Our original motive was to create more understanding, to establish and respect equal rights, and to close the gender gap between men and women. We wanted to spend more happy times with our men and children. We wanted to be able to enjoy each other. We were never interested in a constant battle of the genders. We never intended to re-create the same difficult situation for men and boys that women and girls have endured over the ages.
Many militant feminists do not want true equality based on mutual respect. They hate men and seek the power to manipulate, punish, ridicule, and limit them for personal reasons. To end up in the position of hating all men requires a total disrespect for other human beings and has nothing to do with the original motivation of women’s liberation. Such neurotic intentions are not in the interest of commitment-minded people of either gender who are looking for a loving connection. Loving and caring people are those who want to enjoy each other’s differences and welcome them as an interesting part of life. And they have the capability to do just that, men as much as women.
In talking to hundreds of commitment-minded men, I have realized that they are totally lost in today’s dating environment. They have no clue what women want, what women expect of them, what their role is supposed to be, and how they can make sure (or even ask!) that their own needs are met and their rights protected. The males in this country are still senselessly circumcised without anesthesia in an unspeakably cruel procedure in a country where it is against the law to slap a child. Too many of them are raised without permission to cry, are starved for affection while growing up, and are deprived of learning the skills to communicate and express their emotions. In some cases, someone hands them a gun as soon as they can walk and then teaches them how to shoot to kill.
By the age of sixteen, many boys have been so deprived of physical contact that the lightest touch will cause them to jump or lose control. Most single men I have talked with could not remember the last affectionate, intimate moment with either one of their parents. Yet we expect them to be loving, tender, expressive, and masterful in the art of emotional communication.
In addition, men in this country live in an environment that limits their chances to express and enjoy their natural masculinity away from women. The situation has changed in the last twenty years into a sad environment where men are discouraged and deprived from possibilities to interact with each other. There are almost no opportunities left to bond and be with their own gender because women instantly brake in and join. There are endless opportunities for women to gather together, to exchange experiences, or to simply socialize. Whenever women express this desire, men react politely and supportively and give women some space. But whenever men express the same need, they are ridiculed and find themselves in a bitter fight with feminists who don’t give up until their need is declared unconstitutional.
Men are pushed into acting gross or unpleasant or into undesirable activities if they want to interact exclusively with other men once in a while. Gatherings of men used to be a very important way to hand down experience and advice to the next generation of males. However, now that 62% of all marriages fail, millions of children grow up without a proper male role model. Under the circumstances, regular male bonding should actually be mandatory because it could serve as a very important substitute for the missing father figure. Unfortunately, male activities either cause women to want to participate (if they look desirable) or to react with suspicion (if they don’t). As a mother raising two sons without a father, I would have loved to see them involved in an “all male” chess club or a sailing crew with older men in leading positions.
In my conversations with women, I have noticed that they are typically unaware of the struggle men face in attempting to connect with each other and are quick to dismiss the problem. Women have countless opportunities to be social with their own gender without being contested by men. The result is that the male population ends up much lonelier and more isolated during single life than women can imagine, and they are much more motivated to connect than women know. Single men experience long stretches of harsh social isolation without close contact with male role models or women. They are even deprived from casual interaction with young people or children because everyone instantly watches with suspicion. And it doesn’t help that during men’s lonely times, women tend to make fun of them and their male disabilities. Everybody acts as if men are a strange group apart from the rest of society.
Yet a woman was in charge of raising almost all of them....