Chapter 31 - Dating with children (sample)
Whether you are a single parent trying to date while raising your children, or you are someone interested in dating a single parent with children, you should be aware of some very important facts:
• Over 60% of all marriages in the United States fail.
• Millions of children under the age of eighteen grow up with a single parent, most of them with their mother. Almost all of them will be exposed to dates or potential stepparents.
• 40% of all children under five that die an unnatural death are killed by an abusive stepfather or boyfriend.
• An estimated 85% of all abusive attacks on children by pedophiles are neither reported nor discovered. In most cases, the pedophile has become a friend of the child and lives in or has frequent, easy access to the home and the child, often over the span of several years.
• The most common way for a pedophile to obtain access to children is to date their mother, or even better, to live with her.
A single mother is a major attraction for all child molesters, especially if her financial situation is not stable!
Child molesters come in all shapes, ages, and sizes and can even wear ties. Even found among highly educated men or men in management positions, child molesters can be financially successful and even public figures. If you’ve never seen secret videos showing men flying to Thailand to “rent“ little boys or girls for their sexual pleasure, you might be shocked! Child molesters have been known to take a year long “grooming phase“ to cultivate a false sense of trust with their victims before they actually offend.
The more intelligent and educated sex offenders are, the less likely it is that they will be caught.
A child molester that proposes marriage to a woman with children views the mother as an asset that will provide him with special pleasure. This of course makes him happy and excited. He might look every bit like a man who is thrilled to have found his ideal match. But in reality, he is euphoric because he can use the mother to get to the children - and he will. In his twisted mind he honors the mother and often treats her with high appreciation for this opportunity. To avoid problems with his plan, he makes sure that all her needs are met. He will do everything possible to insure his future “enjoyment“ with the children. The mother’s very comfortable situation often clouds her judgment when the first hints or complaints of the children are expressed.
Only child molesters that have already have been convicted are registered in public records. An estimated 85% remain clouded in anonymity. A clean criminal record is therefore no proof that a man is not a child molester. Many pedophiles will create opportunities in states other than the one they live in.
If you are a kind gentleman with no intention or desire to hurt anyone, please understand the paranoia that single mothers may exhibit. There are few safe guidelines that would help a single mother (who may like you very much) to really know that her children are safe with you or when it would be appropriate to let down her guard. So please be patient and give her all the time and reassurance she needs to trust you.
My personal estimate is that a very high percentage of men who show an interest in single mothers may be doing so for a reason that is not flattering. Single mothers, be aware that some of the men that approach you may turn out to be:
• Substance abusers who hope you won’t notice their addiction(s) because you are too busy juggling everything else in your life. They figure that if you find out later, you won’t have the additional strength it takes to separate from them.
• Drug dealers who view the appearance of a wholesome family situation to be a great cover for their activities and know that you will become increasingly dependent when provided with a great house and a reliable cash flow.
• Immature freeloaders who want to be taken care of. They will like the fact that because of your children, you serve three meals every day and always keep food in the refrigerator.
• Emotionally abusive control freaks sometimes masked as intensely religious people. They like the idea of bossing around dependents and gain an extra thrill if those dependents are females that they can dominate and punish. They will try to enhance control by encouraging you to quit your job to limit your financial independence.
As a single mother, you will be approached by a substantial number of men who will try to take advantage of the fact that you have greater difficulties finding a match because you also have to match the needs of your children. They hope that you have a strong motivation to agree to dangerous or undesirable deals for the sake of having a man in your life. Before you know it, your garage is being used to store stolen merchandise, your backyard becomes a place to manufacture illegal drugs, or your living room a meeting place for ex-convicts. Unfortunately, there are vultures to be aware of.
If you are a single mother with a foreign accent, you may have even greater obstacles. If you are petite, your problems triple. To be a petite lady with an accent in this country is an open invitation for all kinds of men to seek you out as an easy victim, especially if you are also uninformed about the potential dangers of dating. I can assure you that almost every man that showed an interest in me after my arrival in the United States did so for reasons that went from unflattering to insulting to openly criminal. As my English improved and my accent disappeared, I received much less interest from these men. Thankfully, it has been some time now since they have totally disappeared from my dating horizon. But it is an unfortunate fact that immigrants are easier to exploit.